Forgiveness is a hard one. It is the BIG point on which my faith is based. Jesus died to forgive my sins and calls on me to do that. I realised today, that I constantly have to forgive in my job. I am always positive here about my job and those I teach. But frequently, I have to forgive and offer a fresh start to troublesome selected children who think it is their life's work to ruin my lessons, to hurt other children, to lie and cheat, to cheat and steal. I teach them them once a week (unless they are in a club) and have them for assembly.
When you get particularly spiteful, malicious or aggressive children who you have to say the same things to day in, day out, week in, week out, month in, month out, year in year out and in my case, for about 6-8 years, the process can be draining and utterly, utterly frustrating. Sometimes, when I think about children I teach who I know I will have at last another 3 or 4 years of, even one year more, it does become very hard. Because,I have to give them a fresh start every time and see them do the same mean, hurtful and downright rude things over and over again (it makes me think how hard it must be to be God!) it just occasionally gets to me.
I had two things today that really upset me. One pupil, I (and other colleagues) have had a LOT of awful issues with over the years - his current teacher has taught him for 2 years consecutively, every day. The thing that gets me is that he is INTELLIGENT. His family love him, he has been given a lot, he supposedly has a Faith. But the way he treats adults and children is awful, the complete leech-like attention-seeking, the rudeness, the constant barrage of interruptions. I had to put up with 10 minutes of him SHOUTING rudely over the top of 30 recorders playing at me. Not getting the hint that he needed to put his hand up, not understanding that his little petty issues were not the centre of the universe and then having the audacity (I'd given him attention and told him off 20 times before this point) to call out, "Are you deaf or something?" to me. I've forgiven him weekly for 3 years so far. Sometimes, I am just SICK of it.
(surprisingly, he did say sorry to me as I walked past him at the end of school. That never happens.)
The other issue was that another class, for some reason, walk through my music room on their way out. I have asked them to go another way in the past, but some teachers walk them through. When I returned to the Music Room at 5.15pm-ish, I discovered my Brompton bike knocked over onto a drum with about 8 scratches down the front of it, 2 of them deep down to the metal. I caught my colleague in the car park and she said the other children told her that a boy had knocked it over (you would have had to go out of your way to push it to knock it over as it was folded on its back wheels.). He completely denied it. I will have to investigate tomorrow. I'm so furious that my lovely, new bike has received such treatment. This isn't the first occasion that a class coming from that room has damaged things in the Music Room. Children ran through and knocked down an entire pile of glockenspiels once when I was actually in there. I am pretty sure, the only teacher who still walks them through there is the other PPA teacher. Their teacher goes another way.
My choir rehearsal was constantly interrupted by 4 naughty boys who won't shut up. EVERY. WEEK. this happens. And they just treat it as a joke.
These are just a few incidents. Generally, I enjoy my job a good amount of the time. Teaching is about constantly forgiving and giving fresh new starts. Every day is a new day. Every lesson, a new lesson. A fresh chance, a clean slate and a mantle of forgiveness. Understanding family difficulties, understanding special needs and adapting to individuals is a crucial part of this. I do this and I will and must continue to strive to do this. As part of my faith, I do and must do this. As a human being who knows how the Earth must live, survive and be peaceful, I do this. As a dedicated teacher, I will and do do this.
But remember, no one ever said forgiveness was easy. Yes, occasionally, my heart is heavy, tears fill my eyes and I confess, occasionally, it is hard.
Hope you had a lovely day.
xx
When you get particularly spiteful, malicious or aggressive children who you have to say the same things to day in, day out, week in, week out, month in, month out, year in year out and in my case, for about 6-8 years, the process can be draining and utterly, utterly frustrating. Sometimes, when I think about children I teach who I know I will have at last another 3 or 4 years of, even one year more, it does become very hard. Because,I have to give them a fresh start every time and see them do the same mean, hurtful and downright rude things over and over again (it makes me think how hard it must be to be God!) it just occasionally gets to me.
I had two things today that really upset me. One pupil, I (and other colleagues) have had a LOT of awful issues with over the years - his current teacher has taught him for 2 years consecutively, every day. The thing that gets me is that he is INTELLIGENT. His family love him, he has been given a lot, he supposedly has a Faith. But the way he treats adults and children is awful, the complete leech-like attention-seeking, the rudeness, the constant barrage of interruptions. I had to put up with 10 minutes of him SHOUTING rudely over the top of 30 recorders playing at me. Not getting the hint that he needed to put his hand up, not understanding that his little petty issues were not the centre of the universe and then having the audacity (I'd given him attention and told him off 20 times before this point) to call out, "Are you deaf or something?" to me. I've forgiven him weekly for 3 years so far. Sometimes, I am just SICK of it.
(surprisingly, he did say sorry to me as I walked past him at the end of school. That never happens.)
The other issue was that another class, for some reason, walk through my music room on their way out. I have asked them to go another way in the past, but some teachers walk them through. When I returned to the Music Room at 5.15pm-ish, I discovered my Brompton bike knocked over onto a drum with about 8 scratches down the front of it, 2 of them deep down to the metal. I caught my colleague in the car park and she said the other children told her that a boy had knocked it over (you would have had to go out of your way to push it to knock it over as it was folded on its back wheels.). He completely denied it. I will have to investigate tomorrow. I'm so furious that my lovely, new bike has received such treatment. This isn't the first occasion that a class coming from that room has damaged things in the Music Room. Children ran through and knocked down an entire pile of glockenspiels once when I was actually in there. I am pretty sure, the only teacher who still walks them through there is the other PPA teacher. Their teacher goes another way.
My choir rehearsal was constantly interrupted by 4 naughty boys who won't shut up. EVERY. WEEK. this happens. And they just treat it as a joke.
These are just a few incidents. Generally, I enjoy my job a good amount of the time. Teaching is about constantly forgiving and giving fresh new starts. Every day is a new day. Every lesson, a new lesson. A fresh chance, a clean slate and a mantle of forgiveness. Understanding family difficulties, understanding special needs and adapting to individuals is a crucial part of this. I do this and I will and must continue to strive to do this. As part of my faith, I do and must do this. As a human being who knows how the Earth must live, survive and be peaceful, I do this. As a dedicated teacher, I will and do do this.
But remember, no one ever said forgiveness was easy. Yes, occasionally, my heart is heavy, tears fill my eyes and I confess, occasionally, it is hard.
Hope you had a lovely day.
xx