#A pause for Advent 2013: 1

Floss's annual Pause for Advent is back and I am really grateful to be participating. I found taking the time to reflect on some aspect of Advent or Christmas was really useful last year.

This year, I pondered what to write about and as last year, the ideas didn't come to me until the day. As I sat in church this morning, watching a DVD of the new Arch-bishop of Canterbury, Justin Wellby talking at the New Wine conference last summer. He talked about Waiting, Change and Prayer. And it struck me that these were the things to talk about in this pause.

Before Jesus was born, the Jewish people had been waiting SUCH a long time for the Messiah to come who had been foretold. They knew and hoped that He would bring about great change to their lives for the better. They had prayed long and hard for the Messiah to come. They didn't quite know or bargain for what they'd get when Jesus came. He broke the rules of their expectations in many ways.

Likewise, in our lives, we are always waiting for something to happen. Waiting for answers to prayer, for those things that we care so deeply about, that we long for. However, we don't like to wait or always like to pray about them. I know I certainly don't. Analysing my own behaviour in recent times, I want things to change instantly when they aren't the way I want them to be and I try to force the change. I then get frustrated and wound up and certainly do not come across in a patient way to those around me which means I can and do come across as stroppy madam. That is not at all the person I want to be and I have recently faced change in my life - living with CBC after not living with anyone for 5 years. I have been more stroppy Madam in these months than since I was a teenager and I don't like myself. I really don't.

There are things, including this, in my life, that I really need to take patient time to pray about, things that are hard, not ideal, and to wait and to wait patiently. The change may come. It may be a long time coming. But somehow, I am just not praying about them. I think about thinking about praying about them but then it doesn't happen. And I know that I should and that is what I need. It seems to be me me me wound up in myself and not in Christ. I need to take the time and for me, this advent, if I can take the time, as we prepare and wait for the coming of Christ, is to wait and pray. Take the time. Use a prayer journal- I find writing keeps me focused and I speak with more clarity. Spent that time preparing for the coming of Christ and stop stressing about everything I can't do or is not what I want.

This afternoon, I went to a Christmas market on my local highstreet. The streets were all shut off and people were everywhere buying food, drink, presents. It was nice but it was crammed. I didn't manage to find any presents. But I took an hour to go and sing carols in the church there, along with people from the church I have been going to, taking that hour out was so peaceful and joyful. I didn't worry about not having bought any presents. But as I left, as we went to fetch our bikes, I managed to find one present, nothing expensive, but something I thought was rather charming! It was nice to not have worried or forced the issue and then found something when I wasn't expecting it! Please go and visit some other Pausers in Advent over at Floss's who are alot more eloquent and more joyful than I!!x

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