If I'm sad about something, I often start writing a blog post about it but end up not publishing it as I think it sounds like a moan fest.
I moan and stress too much. In the last year, when I've had evening events, such as the Choir of the Year competition, I have ended up feeling anxious and stressed and then moaning to anyone who will listen. Today, we had our first Treasure Island performance and we had a morning dress rehearsal. Cover was supposed to be arranged for our Drama lead but it hadn't been. The person who arranges cover was not in. There ended up being a situation where I ended up running around trying to sort the situation and having to beg and borrow to cover it. Whilst having hyper children in vast quantities ask me questions and then get ready to perform. I was furious as was he. Anyone who was around got my rant. The dress rehearsal performance went well and then I dashed to teach my class. This was fine. Manic lunch then year 2 classes. My lovely year 6 girl asked if she could help and was a Godsend the entire afternoon. She was a great teacher- we taught the lesson together and I think it was a powerful learning experience for her. (We both had to get cross with kids!) She developed a wonderful connection with a boy with emotional SEND. After school, the kids arrived, they were so excited! We went on and the show went well. I found myself getting annoyed by parents crackling sweet bags, one opening a can of drink, getting in the way at the Back or just getting up and standing in places during the performance.
I made some daft mistakes on the piano mainly because I couldn't see over the heads of the parents or got distracted by noises or children.
But it went well and the kids were super happy as were parents. We were so proud of them!
Except, instead of feeling elation over that performance I just feel great sorrow that I moaned all day, that I got annoyed by parents, that I am not buzzing like John, my partner in crime is, but sitting here on the train feeling miserable. Perhaps because I'm tired that it doesn't help. (Stayed up till 1 writing a risk assessment for the show...and answering parental messages!)
So many staff stayed to help out. And that's because they love John. Because he's so good at making friends and asking for help. And I feel sad that perhaps I don't have friends like that because I'm just a negative, demanding stressy moaner.
I'm not sure why I'm writing this. But perhaps because I want to feel joy at tomorrow's performance and not feel so blue. Or maybe I want you to hold me to account to be joyful in all things, to not moan, to be positive. I should be smiling and laughing and remembering the 3 pupils that told me I'm their favourite teacher or the pupil that said she wished I were her mum. Or my lovely year 6 who said she loved teaching with me. Or the joy on those 76 faces as they sang their hearts out.
Maybe I'll feel better after some sleep and feel the joy.
Hugs to you.
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