On Saturday, CBC and I travelled to Watford for a day and night of Swing-dance courtesy of JiveSwing, our dance class, which is a big organisation of classes, ours being just one. It was a great day, we had some super classes- the day was held in honour of Frankie Manning's 100th birthday (if he was still alive)- the Father of bringing Swing dance back to the UK in the '80's.
We had two lindy-hop classes, learning a Frankie lindy-stroll and then a dips and tricks workshop. CBC decided he wanted to do some authentic jazz instead so I had to find another partner to dance with and managed to dance with a fun, young guy I met in the queue- it was hilarious as we learned to do these dips. I got the giggles as I had to spend a long time hugging him as we learnt a dip and then a move where I had to swing under his arm. I am suffering today though as my quads are really aching as the move involved rotating in a squat position!
In the evening, I wore the above outfit. I didn't take any photos-crazy for me! CBC just got this slightly blurry one of me- I wore the dress I picked up a while back, worn with my birthday petticoat and a wired headband- I really like these!
Anyway, in the evening, apart from many enjoyable dances together, CBC was asked to dance lots by lots of ladies. I was asked to dance a few times by some guys although not as many and felt a wallflower at times. It's so silly but the pair of us are so insecure about asking people to dance just in case they think we are rubbish! Everyone else seems perfectly happy to ask other people to dance (it's the way your dancing improves). It's silly because I did spend a some time standing at the edge wishing someone would ask me to dance but like my teenage-self, in my stupid subconscious, didn't want anyone to think that I really wanted to dance, so I didn't get disappointed if they didn't dance. I am an idiot- I am 33 and should just get on with it. It's funny though, sometimes I feel much more confident. Last night, I found myself thinking that the reason is because I always want to do something well and never want to be thought to be bad at something and I am not an expert at lindy and probably never will be, I just love it.
Yet, this morning, I played in my new church for the first time (9am rehearsal after getting to bed at 2am!!!!! I was KNACKERED!). I KNOW that I am a a capable flautist and I know I play well and I know that when I am in the spirit at church, I will play and worship with my heart and soul. I know from 10 years of playing at my old church that my playing really helps people to worship. And yet, I was worrying to myself that people would be judging me and didn't want people to say nice things to me just in case they were just being nice, not meaning it! Of all the ridiculous things to think!?!???!!?! Of course they're not, it's just my stupid mind. Of course, once I started playing, I felt myself fill with the spirit and felt the insecurities fly away.
It's interesting that Stuart, a guy was being baptised today and he talked about how he had faced anxiety in his life and couldn't seem to snap out of it until he gave his life to God. And it struck me, when I feel most insecure and lacking confidence is when I stop praying, speaking to God and reading the Bible, when I've left tiredness and laziness get in the way, just let slip and then all my insecurities come back. So today, I will reclaim my confidence and be strong in the knowledge that I do have talents that God has given me and I can do well and be strengthened by him in my prayers. And there may be things that I am not talented at, but they are things I should enjoy because they are God-given and I've been given the freedom to enjoy these! Be the best that I can be but accept that I will not always be the best but I can have the most fun!
Linking to Visible Mondays with dear Patti
